Queried LGBTQ novel, 114k words. Received a lovely personalized rejection letter, which I'm posting here as I thought the points they made might help other people with their query letters:


We are grateful to have had the chance to read TITLE but we're sorry to say it's not a fit for us. We do love LGBTQ+ characters and think the Scientology aspect will enthrall readers—you’re also a very skilled writer!—but to be the champion this book deserves, we would need to have a deeper interest in stories where religion plays a key role. If feedback on your pitch is helpful, we found ourselves wanting to know Quinn and Larkin a bit better, and to see the beats of the plot more clearly. Beyond that, you’ve positioned the book very compellingly. Because we really do appreciate your submission and want you to succeed, here are our tips on querying and what you can do with this letter...

THE BEST PITCHES HAVE

1. A one-breath tagline (so agents can speak it to their teams).
a) "You gotta read this monster school friendship story!"
b) "We need to sign this steampunk vampire comedy!"

2. An elevator pitch (aka a log line) at the top.
a) Example: "MUSTACHE BOY is a 50k-word MG novel in which a late-bloomer tricks his classmates into believing his glued-on mustache gives him superpowers in a hilarious attempt to avoid getting bullied."

3. A 4-beat book summary featuring (in this order):
a) Setup
b) Catalyst
c) Journey
d) Stakes

4. 300 words (or less).

5. Sample pages with a killer first sentence (we like it short, eyebrow-raising, maybe weird).

WHY AGENTS REJECT GOOD QUERIES

1. They have a book like yours or they've encountered something similar before (so make sure you state precisely why your book is original).

2. They don't "see the vision" because your book summary leans too much on generalities and not enough on specific details (this applies to your market positioning too).

3. They "didn't fall in love"—they felt a strong emotional connection to the subject matter but not to the telling of it.

4. The pitch was great but the sample didn't deliver (maybe too much backstory or ordinary action, or the language could use simplifying for clarity).

5. The pitch has strong comparable titles but doesn't state how the book stands out from them (as creatures of comparison, we want to know why your book is similar but different).

THINGS TO DO WITH THIS LETTER

1. Throw it in the trash
2. Hang it on the wall for motivation
3. Give it the middle finger
4. Give it the double birds
5. Do actions 2, 3, & 4 then burn it

We mean it when we urge you to keep writing and querying. Congrats to the agency who lands you. We will regret it when your book becomes a hit. (PS — If you have feedback on our letter, we allow and welcome replies.)

Wishing you more success than we can give—

11/07/2024 Submitted query. Big novel, memoir, modern family saga.

Sent him straight to the Do Not Query list

I think redtrip is right. Connor was orginally with another agency that has a lot of marketing gimmicks to get writers to buy their resources and his website has the same vibe. I'm going to withdraw my query.

Queried Oct 3, 2024 LGBTQ+ 114k words